I understand you’re going to walk away now.
I understand that we just didn’t work,
And that it’s better this way.
You’re moving up and moving out; though my place is right here for now,
You’re going to get yourself the world; I know it,
And I’d let nothing ever hold you back.
But the connected world we live in is such,
That, starlight, you’ll never be lost to me.
Your life’s displayed on a webpage a mere touch away, like all the rest of us.
It’s the reason you could never be a mystery to me, an everlasting ‘what if’.
I wish things could be like the way they were, all those years ago,
When you could simply disappear;
And all I’d have left would be a name, a photo, and maybe a dead number.
You could simply be the ghost of a possibility;
The girl from that one summer.
“You know, it’s such a peculiar thing- our idea of mankind in general. We all have a sort of vague, glowing picture when we say that, something solemn, big and important. But actually all we know of it is the people we meet in our lifetime.”
Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead.
Our goodbyes have meant ‘until tomorrow’ for 14 years now. And I’m not ready for that to change. But before the day is out, we’ll say it again and this time it will be a farewell for months. Eventually, it’ll become years. Soon you’ll wake up in a foreign city. And it won’t be long before you call it home.
This panics me. For I might not be difficult to love, but I know I’m even easier to forget.
In the morning you’ll be gone, let’s save the tears for then. Let’s not let that change this, right now.
Right now, the road’s clear and the moon’s out. So do me a favour. Light us up, blow the speakers, and floor it.
Tonight, not even reality catches up with us.
The night is still young.
I just wish we were too.
She seems a cruel mistress, Loss,
Spawned of Time and our own Mortality;
Whom we answer to, from the first breath;
And she is inescapable, as inescapable as death.
We are always losing.
Losing the fervour in our legs,
The electricity in our hearts.
The safety of a parent’s arms.
The hazy, enticing illusion of everyouth.
Loss, then, seems to be a curse;
But she’s not what she seems.
She may be harsh; merciless even,
But it is her hands that mould you.
Define who you are, and what you will become.
Do not presume to know yourself,
Until you have lost.
Lost what seemed, at the time, like your everything.
You value those who stay, only once you know what the pain of loss feels like.
So embrace it, the loss of people in your life.
Embrace Loss long enough, and you’ll find she has another name,
A more hopeful, more powerful name;
Worship and accept her,
Write her songs;
Even through her bitterness.
Yet do not expect to receive her kindness,
For she shows none.
Here is my song to her;
My Ode to Loss.
Many wait lifetimes for their completion,
Most wait forever to feel this way.
But I’ve found you, love.
I’ve found you.
And I hope you’re here to stay.
You, with all the stars in your eyes.
You, with galaxies and supernovas forming in your mind.
You, streaking away, leaving everything else behind.
You, escaping into the freedom of your limitless thoughts.
You, playing with the stars a cosmic game of connect-the-dots.
Mapping stars, sailing across the oceans of the night.
Take me with you, someday.
Take my hand and guide me through.
Share with me the light.
And if ever you are lost, dearest,
If you wander too far into the recesses;
Hold out your hand for me.
For I’d reach through constellations for you;
Unshakable and ever hopeful, knowing that you’re reaching for me too.
Once I grow old and gray,
And go weak at the knees;
I want to be able to look back on my life,
And be content with what I see.
I wish to see the beautiful places of the world.
I want to go where the mountains rise from still blue waters, and reach towards the sky.
I want to go where the earth is untainted by man’s ignorance, and one can look up at the night, and see a billion stars;
All burning bright.
I wish to walk amidst the forests, enveloped in a thousand shades of green,
With no trace of the decay of the rest of the world, anywhere to be seen.
I wish to sit on the edge of the world,
The sun bathing the world below in yellow and red;
Then watch it dip below and make room for the night,
When once again, the moon and stars are wed.
I want to laugh, I want cry,
I want to live, I want to run.
I could do all this alone;
But I’d wish for that special someone.
For someone who’ll be the reason behind my best days,
Someone who’ll help me through my worst;
And whenever I might have news to share or stories to tell,
It’ll be that someone I tell first.
Someone to hold, when the nights get cold,
The one I’d love most in this world.
But do not think me a fool, however.
I know fully well that dreams most often go unfulfilled,
In this world of strife.
And that is why my deepest wish,
Is that all of the desires here mentioned,
Do not remain only that, desires;
For the rest of my life.
Have you ever met someone who wanted to ‘make it big in the world’? Have you ever wanted this for yourself? I’m sure I did, not so long ago.
However, if it’s money, power or recognition you crave; just ask yourself this one thing. What’s it all for?
Do you want to wake up one day, after all your good years have passed, and realize that you had forgotten to live? That you had forgotten to love, to laugh, to do the things you had longed to do once, when you wore younger skin?
And you would’ve given it up for… what exactly? To be remembered? To leave an impression?
Here’s the thing.
We don’t matter in the universe.
We’re just one in seven billion souls, all living on one pale blue dot, adrift in the boundless void of space. An insignificant speck on the canvas of all the stars. Our lives are singular drops in the oceans of time. Eternity preceded mankind, and eternity will follow.
But the universe has decided to put us here, for reasons we will never know. And I, for one, intend to make the best of it. I intend to live. To not just survive, but to live.
We live for ourselves, and for ourselves alone. Might as well give the heart what it wants before the blackness takes us all.
Who knows, there might be an afterlife beyond this realm, where we’ll have to spend the rest of time with our thoughts.
In that case, I’d rather have memories I can look back on and smile about, laugh about, cry about. Memories of friends, landscapes, and loves; loves lost, and loves that lasted.
How about you?